1) The amount of affection he gives is directly proportionate to the amount of food in his bowl. The less food, the more affection.

2) The amount of attention I receive from him is directly proportionate to the concentration I need to give my tasks and the importance of said task. The more important the task and the less interference I require the more attention I receive.


3) My cat came out of the closet once. Then he heard the kids playing loudly in the living room and he went right back in.

4) My cat sees dual purposes in everything. For instance, a laundry basket is not just for clothes, it’s also good for sleeping. A kitchen table is not just for meals, it also makes a good launch pad. And a necklace cannot only be worn, it also makes a good toy.

5) My cat is a kleptomaniac. Jewelry, toilet paper, and curling ribbon are his favorite type of loot.

6) Cleaning out my cat’s litter box is always an adventure. See #5.

7) My cat types really fast as he uses all four of his paws. However, he can’t spell worth a darn.

8) My cat can also play the piano. However, I never recognize the tune.

9) My cat doesn’t believe in reading. Hence his need to chew up all my paperbacks and lay on the page when I’m trying to read.

10) My cat hates to go on rides. Perhaps he’s gone “green?”

11) My cat is a horrible gift giver. You see, he "recycles!" He likes to give me dead bugs, mice, birds, and lizards. This is his way of being “nice.” However, he expects a healthy amount of praise for said gifts.

12) My cat has a tender ego. He will sulk for hours if one does not give him the attention he feels he deserves. See #11.

13) My cat requires my body heat when he sleeps in the cooler seasons. However, in the summer months he requires it as well.

14) My cat loves arts and crafts and wrapping gifts. Actually, he wants to BE the craft or wrapped gift.

15) My cat thinks outside the box, but he prefers to be inside of it.

16) My cat thinks he can catch the light from a laser pointer and is bound and determined to do so.

17) My cat thinks I’m talking to him when I’m on the phone. Nothing can convince him otherwise.

18) I have not used my bathroom privately since I got my cat two years ago. I get more privacy in public stalls.

19) When my cat isn’t sleeping he follows me all throughout the house and watches everything I do. In short, my cat is a stalker (perhaps that explains all the dead animals he brings me as gifts).

20) My cat’s day is not complete unless he has tripped me at least three times. My cat can be cruel.

21) In short, I know my cat loves me A LOT, even if it’s not always a healthy sort of love!

© Copyright 2010 Heather Bahnmaier. All Rights Reserved.